The Story of Steve Polito: Prepubescent Man Grows Mustache and Runs Race (AKA Steve Runs the Boston Marathon!)

April 17, 2019

Interview by: Sally McCarthy, Ali Stevenson, Megan James and Tom Vacchino

Shields: What other full marathons did you run to qualify?
Steve: Vermont City, Burlington, Vermont, May 2018 and The Philadelphia Marathon, November 2018.

Shields: How did this marathon compare to the other two you ran?
Steve: Exceptionally better. I was faster, I knew the course and the crowds were electric. In a word “tight” (or Dope AF). 

Shields: What was your training diet?
Steve: This may not be as funny of an answer as what you are hoping for. I made sure I ate at least five salads a week to offset all of the other carcinogens, and I drank a lot of water.

Shields: Did the mustache reduce wind resistance and give you a better time?
Steve: The mustache enabled me to be the best possible version of myself. It also created a tail wind. The EGO levels were high and offset the drag coefficient.

Shields: Were the yellow sneakers really a loan from Big Bird? Did they put a bounce in your step?
Steve: Big Bird was my training partner and we happen to have the same size feet, 9-1/2. He let me dip into his collection.

Shields: How does one pick out the right pair of Short Shorts?
Steve: It is a delicate balance of revealing as much as possible while leaving something for the imagination. It’s like Freemium content, leaving out the best parts, kind of like watching a trailer for an upcoming movie.

Shields: When was your most painful moment?
Steve: It was not a physically painful moment but an emotionally painful one. My biggest worry was that I would have leg cramps. I dropped my anti-cramp tablets. Some people wear fuel belts to keep their fuel packets in (they look like Ketsup packets). My tribe doesn’t believe in that, in hindsight, I would have rather looked like a dork. I had made a cooler contraption to hold my packets using a paper clip… they didn’t fit in my short shorts. I took them out and put them in my hand to be prepared and WHOOPS! I started freaking out inside but luckily for me, I didn’t cramp up.

Shields: Wow Steve, that is an intense story. When was your most exhilarating moment?
Steve: I turned right on Hereford, Left on Boylston, the crowd was electric! It was like being in the climax of your favorite movie when you win the girl from the bully and then the bully gets laughed at.

Shields: Tell me about your first alcoholic beverage after the race.
Steve: It was a tall boy bud light at Tasty Burger, it went down very smoothly. The best, however, was later, a 26.2 Brew with Sea Salt.

Shields: How many Hot Dogs were consumed before, during and after the race?
Steve: Zero. The one mistake I made. My body was so confused and thought it must be dead because of the low nitrates. But it’s grilling season so my levels will be up soon.

Shields: How did you feel the day after the race and what did you do to lessen your pain?
Steve: Emotionally: Grateful, humbled, satisfied. Physically: Like my 95 year old Grandfather. Now I understand why he walks so slowly and how he must feel on a daily basis.

Shields: Last question. After you crossed the finish line, walk us through the events that immediately followed.
Steve: I was greeted by my assistant Stonehill College coach! That was really cool and unexpected. I shuffled through space — through space blankets, waters and snacks. I shuffled to where my bag was and then called 1) my parents 2) my wife Lindsey and 3) Shields Design Studio. I was unable to move my legs, it was impossible to bend over and I needed the assistance of a wall and my arms to sit.

Shields: 2 hours 48 minutes and 57 seconds Steve placed overall 979 and 766 for his division

WOW! What an accomplishment! Congratulations Steve, we are all very proud of you!